Need Coffee Or Need Sleep
by Earthsoftenstheflame
Summary: Itachi has a strong desire for caffeine after spending more than two nights without sleep, but the staff in a local café can’t comply with a simple task. ItachiXCoffee RandomXOoc Enjoy!
1. Itachi, Coffee Obsession

**Naruto Fan ****Fiction ****- ****Rated T: **

**Disclaimer:****I DO NOT OWN Naruto or any of the characters, or the curry of life included, Masashi Kishimoto does. I also DO NOT OWN the Hitachi Company.**

**After not having any ideas for ages I have a completely random new idea. So I have no idea where this fits into the sequence, enjoy!**

**Itachi has a strong desire for caffeine after spending more than two nights without sleep****, but the staff in a local café can't comply with a simple task. **

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**Need ****Coffee Or Need Sleep**

How long had he been standing here? How long was this weirdo in a green tuxedo like sweat suit going to make him wait? He was exhausted after trying to avoid pink haired nuisances all day, and had not slept in two or three days.

Every time he closed his eyes he had visions of the pink haired genin rushing up to him and smothering him in hugs and kisses. These nightmares kept him awake and threw him off guard to the extent where he used his eye jutsus on panicked rabbits that had stumbled across his path.

Itachi had decided to rest at a local Konoha café on the outskirts of the village. If he was lucky he could catch a couple minutes sleep in the seats at the back of the café. He was so tired that he was sure that he wouldn't get any nightmares.

"Good morning Sir! What can I get you today? I am your youthful waiter Rock Lee"

"Eh?" A greenly dressed boy with a bowl hair cut shoved a menu into Itachi's hands

"Coffee will suffice" he replied letting the menu fall to the floor.

If this weirdo keeps hanging round Itachi would never get any rest and well coffee would keep him going till he found his 'warm … cosy … soft…be…'

"Erm Sir?" Itachi had slumped forward as he had thought of his comfy bed back home.

"What?" he grumbled

"Would you like today's special? The Curry of Life"

"No"

"Ahh you have to try some it's the best, one time I was sleep-running and someone fed me The Curry of Life and I felt so awakened and ready to go"

"No" his expression of boredom remained the same.

"Are you sure?"

"I just want coffee or a cappuccino"

"Sorry the cappuccino machine is broken. Weak or strong?"

"Er…strong, with extra, extra caffeine"

"So how bout that Curry of Life?"

"N-O!"

"But it's so good"

"Why don't you eat it!?"

"Oh I do during my breaks when there are leftovers it's not very popular today. I sing while you eat it. It makes me feel happy making people feel special"

"I want coffee, but if I was to order this Curry of Life, would I get it without you?"

"Gai-sensei says I'm in charge of the curry so it comes with a free song when you order and eat"

"I can see why people don't want it" Itachi looked at the young waiter

"Why are you still here?"

"This is a training mission, and also a community service to the village hidden in the leaves, so I decided to help in this café"

"What did you do to get community service? Steal that suit off a whale"

"No I borrowed it off Gai-sensei"

"Whatever can I just get some coffee I ordered like five hours ago!"

"You are really cranky this morning"

"That's why I want coffee!" His eyes flashed bloodshot veins wiring into his glowing iris

"Don't worry I'll add extra youthfulness into your coffee"

"Please don't" Itachi didn't want to think about what this guy was talking about. He just wanted his coffee.

"It's ok its no bother to me"

"Just get my coffee!" Now really agitated he began to wonder if sleeping on a busy path would be more peaceful than ordering a cup of coffee.

"Ok so strong youthful coffee and a sample of the curry of life" 

"No! Just coffee! Can I speak to the manager!?"

"Can I ask who wishes to address the manager?" The waiter pulled out a notebook

"Ahemhitachihuh" Itachi coughed.

"Gai-sensei! A customer wants to speak with you" A man wearing similar clothing to the waiter came scurrying past.

"Yes Lee, ahh and to whom am I being asked for?"

"A Mr Hitachi sir"

"Good job Lee! Take five" moving away from Lee he turned to Itachi.

"Why hello sir, can I help you in any way? Mr Hitachi was it?"

"I want coffee but members of your staff don't seem capable of complying with a certain command!"

"Hmm" Gai peered closer into Itachi's face. If he had his eyes open and if he was of better health he would have punched the man out of his face.

"I know you!" Gai gasped as he came to a realization.

"Gai-sensei! What is it what happened?" Lee had come running back

"Do you know who this is!?" Itachi discarded the idea of running out of the café. 

"Its…It's…Its Mr Hitachi! The man who invented Hitachi electrical appliances!" Gai let a shrill scream.

"Wow, Mr Hitachi I'm a big fan! I've bought lots of your appliances over the years, from a microwave to a CD player!" Gai was getting far too exited by this, and was making Itachi become more aggressive.

"My name is Itachi not Hitachi" he said through gritted teeth.

"Oh yes, Lee get the man some coffee and the special, on the house"

"Hai, Gai-sensei"

"Just give me a coffee to go please" he tried hard to resist the temptation to use the last of his chakra on the idiot in front of him.

"Here sir. Coffee and the Curry of Life to go" Lee came back holding a cup but no bowl.

"Finally" Itachi was glad that his desire for caffeine was sitting on the table. '_Pfft the idiot forgot the 'Curry of Life' what a unorganized mess"_

He began to drink his coffee when Gai started to chatter on again about electrical appliances. Something didn't taste right he swore he felt something like rice in his cup.

"Lee you didn't get Mr Hitachi his curry"

"He said he wanted it to go, so I put it in the same cup" Itachi's eyes shot open wide.

He choked as he spat the disgusting mixture out. 

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME!?"

"Calm down Mr Hitachi it was an easy mistake to make" Gai said trying to defend Lee's mistake.

"IT'S ITACHI!" he yelled as he threw the groggy mixture in the manager's face.

"Lee! No wonder this man hates this coffee! It's gone cold go get another!" Gai cleared the gunk from his face using a napkin. 

"Hai, I'm so sorry" he hurried behind the counter.

"Sorry Mr Hitachi…"

"ITACHI, I-T-A-C-H-I, UCHIHA ITACHI GET IT!" he ranted as he stood on the table.

"Uchiha Itachi? Oh Itachi, my mistake I'm sorry. Wait! UCHIHA ITACHI!"

"YES"

"FREEZE! I need to take you down, and avenge Kakashi!"

"Kakashi's dead?" Was Itachi being blamed for someone else's death as well?"

"No, it's just if I avenge him he'll have to admit that I Maito Gai am the best!"

"Okay?" There was an awkward silence where Gai just stood there staring into his reflection in the window, also described as the non-existent sunset.

"So yeah, stay where you are be prepared to fight!"

"Oh no! Look a pile of plates and cups and the whole shelf fell on top of Lee!" Now was the time to escape.

"LEE! USE THE POWER OF YOUTH! YOU WILL BE OK!"

"Oh watch out! The cappuccino machine is melting!" Itachi yelled sarcastically.

As Gai dived over the counter to save his beloved student Itachi swiped a perfectly good cup of coffee off another persons table.

When Gai dived over he made twice as much destruction by bringing the coffee machine and cash register down with him.

"Hang on we keep plates and cups in a cupboard and the cappuccino machine was already broken? What? WHERE'S LEE!" he cried amongst the clatter of machinery.

"Huh? I'm here sir, I was on my break" he saluted to his mentor.

"Gai-sensei, I think you just got ripped off" Ten Ten replied to his outburst moments before Lee's arrival.

"I can see that!" 

"We were only gone a few minutes a…"

"Drop it Ten Ten, he doesn't have a clue" The other member of team Gai, Neji stated as he surveyed the room.

"Well, whoever he was, he's gone now" Gai laughed awkwardly at the mess he had just made.

After leaving the café he still needed a place to sit and rest. He spotted another tea shop/café opposite him after travelling a few miles down the road. 

He had thrown the have drunken cup of coffee away and was now in dire need of sleep. Itachi entered collapsing into a nearby seat in the shadows. The shop looked empty and quiet, perfect for taking a snooze.

Itachi positioned himself comfortably and drifted off into a slumber.

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**A\N: It's a really short fic for now, but well after writing lots of SasuNaru fics I think its time the spot light went to ****Ooc Itachi.**

**I might add another chapter, I don't know, should I add another one? Or was this too random to carry on with?**

**Happy Fanfic Reading!**


	2. Too Much Coffee Or Too Little Sleep

Naruto Fan Fiction

**Naruto Fan ****Fiction ****Rated T****Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer:****I DO NOT OWN Naruto or any of the characters, Masashi Kishimoto does. I also DO NOT own the Hitachi Company.**

**Too Much ****Coffee Or Too Little Sleep**

Itachi had been in a deep undisturbed sleep for at least three hours. It was curious that no one had woken him to ask whether he wanted to order anything.

Still even after three hours sleep, he still felt absolutely exhausted when he did awaken. The cause of his rude awakening was from a familiar loudmouth ninja and the younger Uchiha.

"Sasuke! It's is your fault we got kicked out of the kitchen" The blonde yelled.

"No loser, if you hadn't added boat loads of salt to the main meal then we wouldn't be out here" retorted the raven boy.

"So, the ingredients said 1t-s salt, so yeah 1 tonne of salt, salt, not sea salt or any other salt"

"Idiot 1t-s means one tea spoon"

Itachi groaned as he tried to block out their voices and get back to dream land. '_Why is every genin squad doing community service!!' _ Kakashi, the squad leader, had poked his head around the side of the kitchen door to address the arguing comrades.

"Guys are you arguing again? Anyway Gai just called apparently all his customers are leaving because a 'Mr Hitachi' caused disruption and broke a coffee and cappuccino machine. So be on your guard they could come in here" Kakashi didn't sound excited when he trudged back into the kitchen.

"We haven't had any customers for hours what is he doing in there! I bet he's reading that book of his again!"

"Naruto, don't make it worse than it sounds and in any case we have a break in half an hour" he smirked.

"Hey Sasuke, look there's someone over there" Naruto pointed at a figure at the back of the room in the shadows. It seemed like they knew this person but they had no idea how long he'd been sitting there.

"Er…Hello...sir?" Naruto prodded the lumpy figure and both he and Sasuke cringed as the stranger lifted his head towards them.

His bloodshot eyes were glowing fiercely the bags under his eyes made him look like he hadn't slept in weeks and aged him by ten years. His hair was tangled and well not at its usual shinny sleekness.

"Itachi? Whoa are you ok?" After he had spoken Naruto wished he hadn't as Itachi turned on him.

"Do I look ok?" Itachi didn't want to yell at the pathetically shaking boy in front of him. He had no idea that it was his face making them cringe.

He looked at himself. "I'm…I look awful and I'm not pretty any more…I want my coffee…I want…" he sobbed into the table banging his head.

"Hey take it easy" A comforting arm was placed around him.

"Yeah, don't dent the table we don't have insurance that covers it" Sasuke cut in.

They both stared at Sasuke.

"That's it foolish brother, tease the tiger with a joint of meat" it was obvious Itachi was beyond exhausted especially when he just went straight to the comment without any violence.

"Itachi, what can I get you?" 

"COFFEE! With extra, extra caffeine!" Itachi pleaded into the table. Naruto went to go get some coffee, for the first customer he would ever serve.

"Itachi, you are such a mess" 

Itachi lifted his head off of the table and gave Sasuke the Uchiha stare. If Itachi's face wasn't so horrifying then Sasuke would have stood his ground and given his Uchiha stare too, but he couldn't help cringing at the sight of his sleep-deprived brother.

It clicked in Itachi's brain which made his eyes dart back and forth. "Her…she…she isn't here is she!?" he voice dropping to a whisper before attempting to shrink under the table.

"No, she isn't here, said she had something 'private' to do, but we know it involves breaking into my house and rummaging through my wardrobe trying to find more clothes to add to her collection"

"Here Itachi, with lots of caffeine as ordered" Naruto plonked the mug onto the table.

Itachi stared at it. "You expect me to drink this!?"

"Why what's wrong with it?"

"It's a cup of sugar! You filled it to the top with sugar!" Itachi's voice was rising slowly.

"Well, we didn't have any caffeine so I put sugar instead"

"OH THE INCOMPETENCE!! All I wanted was coffee, sweet, creamy coffee" he trailed off mumbling into the table once again.

Sasuke had advised Naruto to stay put while he went to fetch the coffee. Five minutes later he came back and set the mug in front of Itachi. Itachi's eyes grew as he lifted the mug to his lips.

"Ahhhhhhhh" he was calmer now, as he sighed with satisfaction.

"Oh coffee, where have you been these last couple of days, I've missed you a lot, your heat, maybe not your smell but defiantly your taste. Coffee you and me, we're gonna stay up and out all night, yes we are, yes we are" Itachi rubbed the burning mug against his face not noticing the heat.

By now he was on the sixth cup. "Coffee, eeek, I love you lots" he was cradling the mug as if it were newly born. Sasuke and Naruto looked at each other with wtf written across their faces.

"Itachi, I think you've had enough!" Sasuke tried pulling the mug away from Itachi.

"NOOOOO! GET OFF IT'S MINE!!"

"Calm down Itachi or Kakashi-sensei will think…" Too late.

"Guys, stop fighting! It's getting old! I can't hear my music or read my book!" Kakashi's angry voice echoed through the empty bar. Fed up with the two quarrelling he had turned the radio up louder.

"Give it!" while Sasuke had been distracted Itachi yanked the mug from his grasp spilling coffee all over the table, chair, and down the front of his cloak.

"I love this song!" Itachi cried when the next song tuned in on the radio. His hands were shaking so violently. He attempted to sing along but the boys dragged him down.

"You need sleep!"

"No I don't I need coffee!"

"NO, SLEEP!" 

"NO, COFFEE!"

"Fine! Coffee"

"Sasuke! What are you doing? Now he's gonna go crazy"

"He's already past that" they turned their attention towards Itachi who was dancing with his mug, sloshing coffee everywhere. "No more pink! Haha Coffee did you hear no more pink! Because we're gonna stay up all night she won't bother us tonight"

It was hard to tell whether he was laughing insanely or just plain stupidly as he span round running in circles.

"Who's this 'pink' he keeps talking to?"

"I'm guessing he's referring to Sakura, she has this affect on us Uchihas, its worse than loosing your favourite kunai."

"NO! Not my weird shaped one that I found in the Hokage's desk when she wasn't looking!" 

"Exactly, now let's take him home"

"Itachi we're taking you home" called Naruto opening his arms in a hug like gesture.

"NO, NO, NO! She's there!"

"Itachi, I think if she was in our house I'd know" (The entrances were covered in lots of traps that Sakura would defiantly fall into)

So they heaved Itachi onto their shoulders and helped him out of the shop and back towards the village.

"I want more coffee" Itachi moaned trying to break free of their grasp.

"Quite fidgeting, it's hard enough with you shaking like popcorn in a microwave"

"Itachi, just think of ramen, that nice juicy taste and…"

"Naruto, Naruto we are trying to get him off the topic of food and drink, we want him to sleep remember?"

"Oh right, Itachi think of that nice warm bed that you're gonna sleep in, so warm and cushy…" He didn't need to finish his sentence because Itachi's eyes had drooped and his shakings were becoming less frequent. 

Upon reaching the Uchiha home, Sasuke spent time undoing the traps and letting them inside the building. There had been no signs of forced entry so it was clear Sakura was off doing something else.

Easing Itachi off their shoulders they helped him onto his bed and wrapped him in soft blankets.

"Good night Itachi" They both whispered before leaving the sleeping figure to dream on.

**A\N: ****So here it is the ending to Itachi's mad coffee phase! And again a big thanks to all my reviewers and to Black Magpie for being so supportive :D **

**Hope you liked it (if you did)**

**Happy Fanfic Reading!**


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